Best and Worst

Sat, 19 Jan 2008 18:45:37 -0600

Hi all,

And a very Happy New Year!

I can't believe that another year has raced by like The Flash trying to save Central City from Captain Cold. But it did. And what a rollercoaster year it was. This was the year, for me personally, that I made great strides in my writing and met an outstanding new group of people, some whom I was lucky enough to be allowed to become friends with.

Take a bow Anne, Erica, Thaddeus, Afi, Marie, Gary, Nathan, Bethany, Karen, Chris, Marianna, Philip, Paul, Ira and especially Joyce. Joyce is a director we are all going to have to watch out for one day. I was lucky enough to turn a photo op with The Exorcist's Linda Blair into a friendship. To be sure there were some assholes there as well (stand up Writers For Fairness, Derek Moore and Laura Devita), but they pale in comparison to the relationships I formed.

This was also the year, as stated earlier, I made great strides in writing. I was lucky enough to be hired by Quiver Entertainment to write a period horror screenplay. Thank you Lauren and Adi. I was also invited to pitch an animated script at Universal. Although I didn't win out, I was grateful to be invited to the party. Thanks for the continued support, Aghi. In addition to the horror script, I finished a spec superhero screenplay titled Supermodels! and started a new project with my co-writer Stephanie Jorden titled Street Riders. I also saw a number scripts make huge leaps in contests this year - The Bridge, a winner at the Indie Black Film Fest, Queen B, a top ten finalist at the Hollywood Black Film Fest and The Indie Black Film Fest, Mad Ave in the Acclaim TV contest, Sleep Tight a winner at the International Horror and Sci Fi Fest and a finalist at the Terror Film Festival, Sentenced a runner-up at the Terror Film Festival and this was the year - and continues to be - of Bridezilla vs. Deer. I must have really done something right with the re-write, because it won the best comedy at the Screenwriters' Expo and was just given Honorable Mention at The Writer's Place Contest and named a finalist in The Wildsound Contest. Best of all, the Hallmark Channel wanted to buy it. But, alas the strike got in its way.

Damn you producers!

What else? Oh I offer my ass-kicking award to two close friends - Ali Brown and Kevin Miles. These two - separately - beat my ass into submission, forcing me to turn my little email/newsletter of reviews into an actual site. Yes, Virginia, www.geekmoviereview.com does exist. I hope to grow it more and pack more reviews into it in 2008.

Nice segue? Hmmm?

For the many newbies on this list, you might be wondering at this point where is all this going? I sure as hell don't know. Kidding. I started this email about 8 years ago. It was my way of talking movies and wishing my good friends happy new year. Over the years, the list grew and grew. Hence, www.geekmoviereview.com. Some asked with the website would I still send out this email. I even asked myself the question. I finally came to a resounding, "yes" because this continues to still be my way of saying I am thinking about each and every one of you on this list. And I am grateful for allowing me into your lives.

Sniff sniff.

So let's get down to it. The movies of 2007. This was a tough year. A good year if you were a movie goer. A really tough year if you are trying to choose what movies stayed with you from Jan 1 up to now. I think this may be my most eclectic list yet. There were 519 films released and I saw about 250 or so of them. I will just come out and say, "No Spider-man 3 does not top my list." You're surprised? Think how I feel. Some of these films were blockbusters. Some didn't find an audience. But all in all, good or horrific, these are the movies I wanted, no felt compelled to share with you. If you haven't seen them. See them. These are, in my not so humble opinion, the five ball point pen movies of 2007.

THE BEST:

1. GRINDHOUSE - There was no more enjoyable movie experience this year than what Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez created. I say experience because Grindhouse delivered just that. From the genius faux trailers (Thanksgiving by Eli Roth) to the advertisements for Tex Mex food in Austin, it was a total movie going experience. Deathproof was more than a serial killer driver (Kurt Russell) trying to ram his car into unsuspecting pussycats. No it was a sick twisted battle of the sexes. Like Bobby Riggs donning a hockey mask and Billie Jean King grabbing a machete. Rodriguez's Planet Terror was the best B-movie released this year. There was no hotter action chick than Rose McGowan as a one-legged stripper toting a machine gun for her other leg! Why did it not find an audience? At 3 hours, was it too long? I don't think so. Audiences went to see Lord of the Rings and The Departed. I believe audiences didn't know exactly what it was and associated the title with the torture porn trend out there. And unless you're going to release a movie about Christ our lord, don't release a film like this over Easter weekend. It's a shame that Grindhouse was divided into two movies for DVD. If you view it at home you will never get the experience Sue, Chuck and I did that one Friday afternoon.

2. SWEENEY TODD - This is the first of two (could've been three) musicals on my top ten list. This effort from Tim Burton and long-time collaborators, Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham-Carter, is their best one yet. And why wouldn't I love it? It's a serial killer in the form of Benjamin Barker, cannibalism and art direction that blows anything I've seen this year away. I need to see this again...while munching on one of Mrs. Lovett's meat pies. You sir, you sir. You need a shave!?! This is a monster-piece! The best opening credits I have seen all year.

3. NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN - Josh Brolin gives his best performance of the year in this film set in 1980 Texas. Based on Cormic McCarthy's pulp tome (always wanted to use that word), three empty men chase a suitcase full of 2 million dollars, knowing full well it's not going to end well. Javier Bardem gives us a villain in the form as Anton Chigurh as relentless as The Terminator, as elegant as Hannibal Lector and the worst hair cut since The Joker.

4. HAIRSPRAY - After looking at the feature version of the hit stage play, I fell in love with it all over again. The songs are unforgettable, the dancing is magnificent and if you can get past John Travolta in a dress, you are in for a fun two hours! One complaint where were the songs The Big Dollhouse and Mama I'm a Big Girl Now? My two favorite songs from the stage version - the two that I was looking the most forward to - cut. Arrrgh! However, you still can't stop the beat.

5. THE HOST - From Korea. This is the best monster movie I have seen in about a decade. Scary, brutal, funny and has the best introduction of a creature since Alien. I still can't believe how they introduce the monster. No wonder this was the top grossing feature in Korea. In a year that saw most horror films in the torture porn genre, this was a welcome diversion. It reminded me how good horror can be. Not just gross, but intense, too.

6. MICHAEL CLAYTON - This is George Clooney's best, most complex performance. His portrayal of a "fixer" with no morals, who finds them but isn't comfortable with that discovery at all is mesmerizing. George needed something after Ocean's 13 to redeem himself. Okay Ocean's wasn't that bad...well not as bad as Ocean's 12! Tom Wilkinson, as a successful lawyer who loses his mind as he becomes the moral center of the movie, should be considered for a nomination. As should Tilda Swinton as the head of a large "agro" company. The last shot of this film still haunts me.

7. 3:10 TO YUMA - Every time they say the western is dead, somebody comes along and says, "fuck you. watch this." That's what I did. Batman, I mean Christian Bale, is awesome as a poor rancher, willing to do anything to save his family from losing the ranch. Forget Russell Crowe in American Gangster. His performance is here as a gangster, Ben Wade, who eventually gains respect for Bale's

Dan Evans, is outstanding.

8. KNOCKED UP - I finally saw this last night and could kick myself for not seeing it earlier. Judd Apatow has developed a way of mixing raunchy humor, frank sex talk and genuine sweetness that is unmatched by anyone in Hollywood...well until they read my Bridezilla script. Ha. No this is a movie that will stay with you. Katherine Heigel is hot and Seth Rogan, for me, is the king of all geeks. Knocked Up knocked me out.

9. RATATOUILLE - The latest effort from Pixar is their usual - sweet, funny and gorgeous animation. This one, about a rat who dreams of cooking, gets better with each viewing. Paris looks like a storybook. I ate this one up...rats and all.

10. THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM - Matt Damon an action hero? WTF? But true. The Bourne movies are the rarity in Hollywood - a trilogy that actually got better with each movie. The action is the best you will see this year. And we had lots of good action.

FOUR BALL POINT PENS WORTHY:

Like I said this was a tough year. I could take my top ten list and switch out any of those movies for any of these. Well, almost any. Here is what else stood out to me this year: Transformers, Once, Zodiac, The Great Debaters, Stardust, Superbad, Black Snake Moan, Pride, Spider-man 3, Once, Alpha Dog, 1408, Live Free or Die Hard, Beowulf, The Lives of Others, The Look Out, Paris J'taime, American Gangster, Sicko, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, The Simpsons Movie, Talk To Me, A Mighty Heart, Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, The Mist, Breach, Enchanted, 300, The Astronaut Farmer. A special shout out to the mocumentary, Long Pigs, which I saw at the International Horror and Sci Fi Fest and The Art of Theatrical Ushery which I saw at both the Indie Black Film Fest and Hollywood Black Film Fest.

UM, AHEM, NOW FOR THE WORST OF THE WORST:

There were a lot of good films. Films that took chances. Great films. Then there were these. These are the films I lift my middle finger to and say, "give me back my two hours!"

1. SOUTHLAND TALES: Yes I walked out on this piece of shit. And I was seeing it for free. Richard "Donnie Darko" Kelly's sophomore effort is like he took his finger, stuck it up his ass, sniffed it, then rubbed it all over you while laughing. This tale of an apocalyptic Santa Monica is so self-aware and screaming "look at me how clever I am." What a waste of a good cast. The biggest disaster movie since The Towering Inferno.

2. BUG - I remember seeing this steaming pile with my friends Sue and Chuck. Of the five people in the theater, two walked out. How bad is this one? Well Ashley Judd displays full frontal...yes bush...and I still won't recommend it. Horrible. When the lights rose, the three of us sat, looked at each other and burst out laughing. To this day we still can't figure out what the fuck we saw.

3. I KNOW WHO KILLED ME - Okay it's official. Lilo has jumped the shark. Only I wish it had eaten her. In this craptacular, Lindsey Lohan plays a stripper who never takes off her top. Okay. I wish someone really had killed this pic. Just awful.

4. THE HEARTBREAK KID -There is not one funny moment in this effort from the Farrelly Brothers. It's mean spirited and Ben Stiller comes off like a dick. I hate this movie.

5. THE NUMBER 23 - Jim Carrey needs to really think about reviving In Living Color after this piece of shit.

6. WHY DID I GET MARRIED? - How bad is the latest over the top melodrama from Tyler Perry? I would rather drink cold vomit from Howard Stern's Jeff the Drunk while getting tea bagged than sit through another TP film.

7. EPIC MOVIE - A send up of all the big adventure films. I piss on this, too.

8. UNDERDOG - To call this movie a dog would be insulting to our canine friends everywhere.

9. RESIDENT EVIL: EXTINCTION - Please just go away.

10. TIE: THE HITCHER AND HALLOWEEN - Two unnecessary remakes of two horror classics. I say, "fuck you" to each of you!

THE CUBA GOODING AWARD: Given for an actor, who really has skills, but is stuck in one bad movie after another. It would be easy for Cuba to take it for Daddy Day Camp. But that would be an underhand pitch. I give this year's CG award to Nicolas Cage for Ghost Rider, Next and National Treasure: Book of Secrets. Yes, NT will probably make 200 million, but it is a bad, dopey film. And well the other two...

THE HALLE BERRY AWARD: Given to an actress who is hot, but well can't really act at all and keeps getting roles. Again it would be easy to give this to the mom to be for Perfect Strangers. But no, it really goes to Jessica Alba for Fantastic Four ( I like the movies but she is unbelievable as a scientist), Good Luck Chuck, Awake, and the upcoming The Eye.

That as they say is that. We have a lot to look forward to in '08 with The Dark Knight, The Incredible Hulk, Cloverfield, JJ Abrams' Star Trek movie and god knows what else. I do know this, if I'm not writing away or hanging with Sharla, Chloe and Max, I will be in front row of some theater of some stadium seating theater with my feet propped up on the rails. I invite you to join me. May '08 be a special year for each and every one of you.

The Geek Top Ten for 2007 | The Geek Movie Review

Best and Worst