RUNNING TIME: 2 hr. 24 min.
RATING: R - language, violence,
sexual material and some drug content
CAST: Dwayne Johnson, Seann William Scott, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Curtis Armstrong, Joe Campana, Justin Timberlake, Cheri O'Teri, Mandy Moore, Jon Lovitz, Miranda Richardson, John Larroquette, Bai Ling, Janeane Garafalo
DIRECTOR: Richard Kelly
GENRE: Black Comedy, Comedy
Drama, Thriller, Ensemble Film, Paranoid Thriller
This is an early review.
I’m told that people who see
Richard Kelly’s (Donnie Darko) Southland Tales will either love it or hate it.
Count me in the latter. In fact,
count me the president of THE I HATE SOUTHLAND TALES club.
I actually saw this about a month
ago at the International Horror and Sci Fi Fest in Phoenix. It apparently
replaced Aliens vs. Predator 2 as the big premiere. But Fox pulled it at the
last minute.
Damn you, Fox.
What really sucks is that I like
the cast – Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is easily one of most watchable actors out
there. I love Cheri O’Teri and Seann William Scott. And I was even a fan Donnie
Darko.
So where does this piece of bull
poop go wrong?
Everywhere.
Southland Tales starts promising
enough. In 2005, a nuclear attack wipes out part of Texas. Now it’s 2008. Most
of the world, especially Los Angeles, is living in a police state. A German firm, led by the always-welcome
Curtis Armstrong, has found a way to generate energy using seawater, but both
public and private groups are desperate to prevent the technology from being
introduced in the US. An underground terrorist group, led by Cheri O’Teri, is
determined to bring down the government through revolution.
In the midst of an extreme
heatwave, three days before July 4th, Boxer Santaros, an action
movie star played by The Rock, hooks up with a porn star, Krysta Now, played by
Sarah Michelle Gellar. Together they create a script in which Santoras is trying
to secure financing. With me still? Somehow reality keeps mirroring the events
in the script - such as encountering a racist cop, played by a blond Jon
Lovitz, and a LA police officer whose identity has been mysteriously split in
half.
This sophomore effort from Kelly
is one of they types of movies I hate the most –ooh look at how clever I am!?!
This is simply an over-the-top mess that wants to be Dr. Strangelove. But Kelly
ain’t Kubrick. He has so many ideas and concepts swirling around, it’s like
taking everything in your refrigerator – including the moldy stuff – and
stuffing it in a blender and hit mix. Then leave it alone.
It’s a shame, because there is so
much talent in this film. Besides whom I mentioned, there’s Mandy Moore, Justin
Timberlake, Jeanine Garafalo. All that is missing is Sam Jackson. I’m sure they
tried to get him.
Bottom line I walked out of this 2
hour and 30 minute mess - happy to go back to my hotel and watch Desperate
Housewives.
HALF BALL
POINT PEN.