The Geek Movie Review

Run Time: 1 hr. 40 min.

Rating: PG-13 - violence and intense sequences of action

Cast: Will Smith, Alice Braga, Salli Richardson, Emma Thompson, Willow Smith

Director: Francis Lawrence

Genre: Action Thriller, Action, Sci-Fi

Well it was bound to happen. Will Smith is from my hometown of Philly. So he has managed to do cinematically, what Donovan McNabb and The Eagles as well as the Phillies, Sixers, Flyers, and any other sports team we have has done…

Build us up for a win and then let us down.

Big Willie does it Philly style here. Although, to be fair, one can’t blame all of what goes wrong in I am Legend on Will Smith. In fact, hardly any of it can be hung on Will.

Based on the Richard Matheson novel, I am Legend – which was made earlier as a 1954 Vincent Price film and later with Chuck Heston as The Omega Man in the 70s – tells the story of Army scientist Robert Neville, who is the lone survivor of a virus that has wiped out mankind.

To avoid insanity, Neville forgoes the Tom Hanks route of making friends with a volleyball and is joined at the hip with his German Shepherd, Samantha. Robert and Samantha have a fairly structured day. They rise early, check on Neville’s experiments (he’s trying desperately to find a cure or vaccine for the virus) then hit the streets of an empty New York City.

Director Francis Lawrence is at his best turning NYC into a ghost town. Grass grows in the middle of Broadway. Deer and antelope run freely…as do lions.  The opening sequence is quite jaw-dropping as Lawrence comes from an aerial shot down an empty Broadway and captures Neville and Sam in a hot sports car. After a morning hunt, Neville spends the rest of the day talking to mannequins he has dressed as people on the street, and reaching out to anyone who may have survived on his ham radio.

Neville is also haunted by memories of his wife and daughter (played by Salli Richardson and Smith’s daughter, Willow) escaping New York unsuccessfully.

One has to wonder why Neville, who for some reason is immune to the virus, is trying so hard to find a cure. His dog will die one day and the idea of living on canned corned beef and Spam for the rest of one’s life is enough to cause anyone to bring a gun to their mouths.

Neville also wears all sorts of watches and alarms. See he really isn’t alone in the big apple. There are vampire-like creatures, infected humans, called Dark Seekers who have lost all their humanity. They are out of the 28 Weeks Later and Resident Evil school. They are more animal than the animals.

Neville rushes back to his Greenwich Village house, gets rid of his scent by pouring vinegar on his steps and locks the house down like a military base at night. Quite scary is Neville hopping in a bathtub curled up with Sam and a rifle. While these creatures run rampant outside.

For me, where I Am Legend goes off course is after Neville encounters a tragedy. Enter Anna (Alice Braga) and a boy Ethan, played by somebody. These two characters are completely unmemorable. They also begin to raise questions of God, which seem a little late and out of place in this pic. She believes there is a community of survivors in Vermont. How convenient, a nice B&B perhaps?  And how does she know this? God told her. It also doesn’t hurt that the one other survivor in America is a hot Brazilian chick. Noice!

The eventual discovery of Neville’s cure feels forced.

I was absolutely engrossed during the first hour or so of I am Legend. It may be some of the best film work I’ve seen this year. However, the third act starts to raise too many unnecessary questions and veers off. I found the effects of the empty city spectacular…more spectacular than the creatures. There is a tense scene where the creatures mimic Neville which is surprising and exciting.

And Will Smith really does do an outstanding job in his performance. He’s often asked to carry a film and in I am Legend he really is put to the task. And he succeeds. If only that third act didn’t happen this would have been close to making it on my top ten.

Francis Lawrence, who also directed Constantine, does a fine job of building tense, on-the-edge-of-your-seat scenes. Less impactful are the scenes between Smith and Braga. I also felt, that if Smith is partially responsible for the virus, he should’ve been tied better to it and Emma Thompson the main scientist.

I am Legend is a big summer flick released in the winter. But it could’ve been so much more.

Three Ball Point Pens.

RUNNING TIME:  2 hr. 24 min. 

RATING: R - language, violence, sexual material and some drug content

CAST: Dwayne Johnson, Seann William Scott, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Curtis Armstrong, Joe Campana, Justin Timberlake, Cheri O'Teri, Mandy  Moore, Jon Lovitz, Miranda Richardson, John Larroquette, Bai Ling, Janeane Garafalo

DIRECTOR: Richard Kelly

GENRE: Black Comedy, Comedy Drama, Thriller, Ensemble Film, Paranoid Thriller

This is an early review.

I’m told that people who see Richard Kelly’s (Donnie Darko) Southland Tales will either love it or hate it.

Count me in the latter. In fact, count me the president of THE I HATE SOUTHLAND TALES club.

I actually saw this about a month ago at the International Horror and Sci Fi Fest in Phoenix. It apparently replaced Aliens vs. Predator 2 as the big premiere. But Fox pulled it at the last minute.

Damn you, Fox.

What really sucks is that I like the cast – Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is easily one of most watchable actors out there. I love Cheri O’Teri and Seann William Scott. And I was even a fan Donnie Darko.

So where does this piece of bull poop go wrong?

Everywhere.

Southland Tales starts promising enough. In 2005, a nuclear attack wipes out part of Texas. Now it’s 2008. Most of the world, especially Los Angeles, is living in a police state.  A German firm, led by the always-welcome Curtis Armstrong, has found a way to generate energy using seawater, but both public and private groups are desperate to prevent the technology from being introduced in the US. An underground terrorist group, led by Cheri O’Teri, is determined to bring down the government through revolution.

In the midst of an extreme heatwave, three days before July 4^th, Boxer Santaros, an action movie star played by The Rock, hooks up with a porn star, Krysta Now, played by Sarah Michelle Gellar. Together they create a script in which Santoras is trying to secure financing. With me still? Somehow reality keeps mirroring the events in the script - such as encountering a racist cop, played by a blond Jon Lovitz, and a LA police officer whose identity has been mysteriously split in half.

This sophomore effort from Kelly is one of they types of movies I hate the most –ooh look at how clever I am!?! This is simply an over-the-top mess that wants to be Dr. Strangelove. But Kelly ain’t Kubrick. He has so many ideas and concepts swirling around, it’s like taking everything in your refrigerator – including the moldy stuff – and stuffing it in a blender and hit mix. Then leave it alone.

It’s a shame, because there is so much talent in this film. Besides whom I mentioned, there’s Mandy Moore, Justin Timberlake, Jeanine Garafalo. All that is missing is Sam Jackson. I’m sure they tried to get him.

Bottom line I walked out of this 2 hour and 30 minute mess - happy to go back to my hotel and watch Desperate Housewives.

HALF  BALL POINT PEN.

Running Tim: 1 hr. 30 min.

Rating: PG – Mild, suggestive humor

Cast: Jerry Seinfeld, Renee Zellwegger, Chris Rock, Matthew Broderick, John Goodman, Oprah Winfrey, Rip Torn, Kathy Bates, Patrick Warburton

Director: Stephen Hickner and Simon J. Smith

Genre: Animated, Family, Comedy

I so did not want to see Bee Movie. Going in, taking Chloe, Max and their two friends I expected this more to be the “ZZZZZZZ” movie. As in snore.

Man was I wrong.

Bee Movie is a smart, witty and actually laugh out loud movie for the entire family. 

It tells the story of Barry B. Benson - a bee - who has just graduated from college and is looking forward to a life-long commitment as a worker bee in the hive. Well, this scares the be Jesus out of Barry, who feels like there is more to the world than just working in the hive. So Barry works his way into the hotshot group of the hive – the pollinators. These bees are the buff, tops guns of the hive. They decide to take Barry on a mission with them to pollinate. Of course that goes away during a hilarious scene at a tennis court where they mistake balls for a new kind of flower.

Barry is caught in a volley between Vanessa (voiced by Renee Zellwegger) and her obnoxious boy (voiced by). Barry flies off the ball and goes on a fun set piece, where he is first caught in traffic, then a car engine, then the car and back out onto the street – only to be caught in a rainstorm. Well, bees can’t fly in rain. So Barry ends up at Vanessa Bloome’s apartment, where she saves his life from her boyfriend, Ken.

Barry, in true Seinfeld fashion, feels compelled to break the ultimate hive rule (don’t talk to humans) and thank Vanessa for saving his life…thus revealing he can speak. From there, Vanessa and Barry become friends for life. She learns about bee life and Barry learns about human life like Cinnabon and Ray Liotta Honey.

Yes Ray Liotta honey.

On a trip to the supermarket, Barry is appalled by the overstocked shelves of honey. And in an unexpected turn of events that I have come to expect from movies like these, he decides to sue all of the honey companies. Bees vs. The world contains some hilarious courtroom work, especially by rotund lawyer Layton T. Montgomery in a hilarious turn by John Goodman.

The movie takes another turn after Barry wins the case, to inject some timely messages. I was reminded of Happy Feet how it went from fitting in to an ecological message. Directors, Stephen Hickner and Simon J. Smith, show how important a role bees play in the world.

There is something for everyone in Bee Movie. The Seinfeld humor is there. Loved when his parents were asking whether the new girl he met is “Beeish.”  The relationship between Vanessa and Barry is actually a sweet one. He fills a void that her boyfriend Ken (voiced by Patrick Warburton) can’t seem to fill.

No, not that void. He is a bee afterall.

I particularly loved the send-up of The Graduate. And unlike Dreamworks other tentpole animated giant, Shrek, this is wrought with pop culture references. They are there, but they actually aren’t there for filler. They mean something. And there are amusing cameos by Sting, Larry King and Ray Liotta.

So take a Sunday afternoon and go see Bee Movie. Here, I would say it is an A Movie.

THREE AND A HALF BALL POINT PENS.

Running Tim: 2 hr. 37 min.

Rating: R - violence, pervasive drug content and language, nudity and sexuality

Cast: Denzel Washington, Russell Crowe, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Cuba Gooding, Jr., Josh Brolin

Director: Ridley Scott

Genre: Crime Drama, Crime

Well let’s call it, “a triple.”

The first time Russell Crowe teamed with director Ridley Scott for Gladiator. It wasn’t just a homerun it was a grand slam. The second time they teamed up, the two produced A Good Year, which was, well, two called strikes and a swinging strike.

We’ll keep American Gangster as a triple with Russell rounding third, but called back.

While not perfect, American Gangster is extremely entertaining fare, with both Denzel Washington and Russell Crowe in top form. Expect acting nominations for both of them when award season hits.

AG tells the true story of Frank Lucas, a former chauffeur for Bumpy Johnson (played by uncredited Clarence Williams III) who rises to power after Bumpy dies early in the first act. Russell Crowe plays Richie Roberts, a cop too honest for his own good. Early on, when Richie and his partner find a bookie’s car filled with unmarked bills, Richie alienates his fellow cops by turning all of the money in.

AG follows the two (who never appear on screen together until the very end) as they rise to the top. Denzel is mesmerizing as Frank, in his mind a shrewd business and family man, but to the rest of the world psychotic and successful. He will sit down to family dinner one minute and blow your brains out on a Harlem corner the next.

With success comes jealousy – in the form of other African American mobsters (played by Cuba Gooding Jr, who is trying to salvage his career here) and more importantly, the Italian families. They don’t like Frank, but they realize they must do business with him in order to survive - Frank’s heroin is better and cheaper than the heroin they are selling.

Richie has to deal with being ostracized as well – by his wife (played by the always hot Carla Gugino, god she has great boobs) and the other policemen who don’t trust Richie for turning in that money. But his honesty does lead to the Captain promoting him to run a drug enforcement department that only deals with the big arrests.

I had more fun watching Washington, whose performance ranged from a subdued, to loving to over the top gangsta! Watch the way he pours too much sugar into his coffee or how utters the phrase, “my man.” I always felt Frank was a rattlesnake, ready to spring.  I also liked how he played Frank with a certain amount of arrogance – he’s a black man trying to make it in an Italian man’s world.

I didn’t find Russell Crowe as interesting. Don’t get me wrong I liked Richie. And I liked how Crowe played him holier than thou only to have the truth revealed about himself by his wife. Maybe it’s him trying to carry off a Jersey accent. I don’t know.

The supporting cast is unbelievably good. Ruby Dee, as Frank’s mother is quite good…especially the speech she gives Frank near the end. She knows what Frank does but doesn’t want to admit it. Josh Brolin is also top notch as a sleazy cop. I particularly liked Chiwetel Ejiofor as Frank’s brother, Huey. He loves Frank. Frank loves him. But that doesn’t stop him from being absolutely terrified of Frank. And Armand Assante is also very good as a fellow mob boss.

So I whole-heartedly recommend American Gangster. It’s not the best it could be, but it’s darn close.

A triple!

FOUR BALL POINT PENS.

RUNNING TIME1 hr. 35 min.

RATING: R - strong horror violence throughout and some nudity

CAST: Milla Jovovich, Oded Fehr, Ali Larter, Iain Glen, Ashanti, Mike Epps

DIRECTOR: Russell Mulcahy

GENRE: Horror, Sci-Fi Horror

Have you ever taken a dump that just made you stand back – yes we all look – and say, “My god what a magnificent dump!”

That is Resident Evil: Extinction.

This is one big smelly good-looking piece of shit. Before I get into the trivial plot, let me just say I am not as hard on Paul W.S. Anderson as other fellow geeks. I thought his Event Horizon, although derivative of other horror movies was a helluva fun scary ride. I, quite frankly, even like the first couple of Resident Evils. Especially the first one. And although Alien vs. Predators is terrible, is it any worse than Alien 4 or Alien 3?

He is a B-movie director that must turn some sort of profit for the studios. Otherwise he wouldn’t be working.

Or banging his wife, Milla Jovovich.

So let’s start this review with her. For the second sequel to Resident Evil, director Russell Mulcahy, tries to give her Alice a “Mad Max” type look. She is worn, weathered and tired. Problem is MJ looks like she is more tired of getting strapped into a harness kicking CGI zombie dogs’ ass than a battered character.

Resident Evil: Extinction takes place years after the first sequel. I do give the producers kudos for trying to make the three stories linear. There are flashbacks to the first movie as well as second. The T-Virus has spread throughout Earth, basically killing the planet. Zombies munch and kill everywhere. All thanks to the nefarious Umbrella Corporation. I wonder if Office Max where I’m freelancing is capable of this? Hmm.  Sorry I digress.

While Alice roams the desert killing off zombies. The Umbrella Corporation has been busy beavers underground in a desert facility that is fenced in and surrounded by hundred so of zombies. They have discovered Alice’s blood may hold the curing to returning Earth to normal. So of course they clone Alice, again and again and again.

Sheesh you would’ve thunk they learned their lesson after Sigourney Weaver was cloned in Alien 4.

Well there’s also a convoy of survivors led by Heroes' Ali Larter, Oded Fehr, Mike Epps and Ashanti. They carry with them in a school bus, a load of children.

You know what’s going to happen…eventually they will get whittled down and Alice will come in and save the day.

The problem for me with RE is it so computer generated. The sets. I guess I’m tired of the CGI zombie dogs. The zombies look bored eating humans. It’s a really boring movie.

AND OF ALL THE CLICHES ANDERSON AND COMPANY TOOK FROM OTHER HORROR MOVIES…WHO DO THEY KILL OFF FIRST!?!

MIKE EPPS AND ASHANTI.

Haven’t we gotten beyond killing off the black people first in horror movies? Come on. I did think a zombie vulture attack was pretty inspired. And there is a funny scene where the mad scientists try to rehabilitate a zombie.

But all in all, this movie sucks. I wish a zombie would come and eat Paul Anderson and company. Time to flush the toilet on this piece of shit.

ONE BALL POINT PEN.

RUNNING TIME: 1 hr. 54 min.

RATED: R - crude and sexual content, language, drinking, drug use and a fantasy/comic violent image

CAST: Jonah Hill, Michael Cera, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Bill Hader, Seth Rogen

DIRECTOR: Greg Mottola

GENRE: Teen Movie, Sex Comedy, Buddy Film, Comedy

Yeah, yeah I know this is insanely late, but I have kids and now I’m freelancing on a different planet known as Naperville. That’s a story unto itself. But the good news (at least for me and my 3 readers, is that I am back in the saddle).

And ready to review.

Uh, even the late ones.

First up, Superbad. Superbad is supergood! – Rex Reed would be proud of that line I think.

From the moment the old Columbia Pictures logo fades up and old super funk group the Bar Kays hits it with the song, Too Hot to Stop, along with dancing silhouettes of main characters Seth (Jonah Hill) and Evan (Michael Cera), I was sucked in.

Superbad tells the story of high school teens and life-long best friends, Seth (an overweight, loud, horny Jewish kid) and Evan, smart, nerdy, quiet and just as horny. Nearing the end of their high school career, both are seeking to move on to the next level – getting laid. In fact, not since Stiffler  and Jason Biggs had sex with a pie in American Pie have I seen two hornier characters. How horny? Seth looking at Evan’s mom before they drive off to school.

SETH: Dude I am jealous that you got to suck on your those tits.

EVAN: Yeah I guess it’s better than sucking your dad’s dick.

The problem is Seth and Evan and their annoying friend Fogell (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) are never invited to parties…never get to hang with the cool girls and guys.

They’re geeks. And I can relate, because I wasn’t always the cool suave guy you know today. I was Seth and Evan.

Evan is a attracted to a girl, Becca, played by Martha MacIssac, but doesn’t know how to talk to her. And Seth has a hard-on, literally, for a hot chick, Jules, played by Emma Stone.  When Jules tells Seth she’s throwing a party and needs booze, Seth volunteers. Of course he and Evan can’t get booze – they’re teens. Enter Fogell, who has a fake ID. His new name, McLovin’. From Hawaii! Ha. I need to see the movie again just to hear the guys’ reaction to his name. I was laughing too hard the first time.

Seth and Evan reluctantly put their trust in McLovin’ and go to the liquor store. And that’s where it gets bananas. There’s a robbery while McLovin’ is buying the booze and next thing you know he’s off and running with two crazy cops played by Seth Rogan (also the writer) and Bill Hader.  Meanwhile Seth and Evan are off on their own adventures at various parties, still trying to get booze. Kind of like how all the characters split in The Empire Strikes Back.

The night becomes one night of overcoming one hurdle after another to get the booze and get to the girls of their dreams.

For all its sex jokes and outrageous humor, there is a certain sweetness to Superbad. It is about friendship and what it means. And, quite frankly, the anxiety of leaving it behind…for college or a girlfriend. The people behind The Forty-Year-Old Virgin and Knocked Up – Judd Apatow, Seth Rogan and Greg Mottola – have become experts at creating outrageously funny stuff while somehow weaving in deep meaning underneath. The last shot of the movie (which I won’t spoil) sums it up. It is poignant, sweet and sour. And scary.

But isn’t that what high school was for all of us?

FOUR BALL POINT PENS

Run Time: 1 hr. 51 min.

Rating: PG-13 - violence and intense sequences of action

Cast: Matt Damon, Julia Stiles, David Strathairn, Glenn Scott, Paddy Considine, Edgar Ramirez, Albert Finney, Joan Allen

Director: Paul Greengrass

Genre: Action Thriller, Action, Unglamorized Spy Film

Dang.

Matt Damon is not an action hero. Matt Damon is not an action hero. I keep trying to tell myself that. Even Paul Rudd called him a “Streisand” in the 40-Year-Old Virgin. Dang. He really is an action hero, though. He kicks major ass. The only other Jason I know of  that can go through death-defying feats and still live to open a can of whup ass wears a hockey mask.

Dang.

For anyone who has been on Mars the last five years, Matt Damon’s signature role has been that of Jason Bourne – a man searching for his identity. Standing in the way of that search are various assassins (assets as they are called by the mysterious company, Treadstone) sent to kill him.

When we last left Jason off, he was attempting to atone for the entire killing he's done, leading him to a showdown in Moscow. He warned Bureau director, Pam Landy (excellent and kinda still hot) Joan Allen) to not search for him. Or he would bring it to them.

They did. And he does.

The Bourne Ultimatum begins with Jason living in Italy and still mourning his girlfriend Marie. He comes across a series of articles written by a British journalist played by Paddy Considine. Turns out, he has a source who knows all about Bourne, the mysterious Treadstone and a project called Black Briar.

This gets the attention of CIA directors Scott Glenn and David Stratham. And the chase is on – one spectacular rollercoaster fight that leaves you saying…

Dang.

Besides the fighting, I really enjoy the themes director Paul Greengrass and writers, Tony Gilroy, Scott Z. Burns and George Nolfi put out there in a post 9/11 world, especially with what is going on in the US politically today. They really pose the questions are we justified using alternative methods for interrogating and how far we should really take these methods.

But back to the action. Paul Greengrass just kicks major ass in setting up chase scenes. Just when he has raised the bar for car chases, he brings to a whole new level with Vespas…jumping not from rooftop to rooftop, but from one building window to another and another….

In a summer of three-quels, this is by far the best one - Julia Stiles, as Nicky Parsons, actually gets to do a lot more than sit on a chair, wearing a headset - and the best of the Bourne series. I hope there’s a fourth.

Dang.

Five Ball Point Pens.

Run Time: 1 hr. 47 min.

Rating: PG - For language, some suggestive content and momentary teen smoking.

Cast: John Travolta, Michelle Pfeiffer, Christopher Walken, Amanda Bynes, James Marsden, Queen Latifah, Brittany Snow, Zac Efron, Nikki Blonsky

Director: Adam Shankman

Genre: Comedy, Musical

Somewhere inside of me I think there is a gay man residing. HOLD ON! I HAVE NO DESIRE FOR THE TOUCH OF A MAN OR THE SIGHT OF A PENIS OTHER THAN MY OWN.

I love women. Boobs. Legs…the whole nine yards.

But I do also happen to like a good musical! I even collect soundtracks and showtunes. There, it’s out in the open.

And I admit I have a soft spot for Hair Spray. The Broadway show producer, Adam Epstein, was the first of many to option my horror script, Bedbugs. So when I heard the show – which I was at the premiere of the Broadway version – was being turned into a feature, I couldn’t wait.

I did become slightly skeptical when I heard John Travolta was going to don the fat suit as Edna Turnblad, played in the first film by John Waters favorite - Divine and then on stage by Harvey Fierstein.

But I still couldn’t wait to see it.

And I was right. In a summer of Spider-man 3, Transformers, Die Hard and Harry Potter -  not to mention Bourne and Shrek – my favorite geek movie might actually be the story of fat girl in Baltimore trying to break the color barrier.

From the moment Tracy Turnblad (newcomer Nikki Blonsky) throws off the blanket in bedroom, singing “Good Morning Baltimore, “ we know we are in for a bouncy, fun romp. John Waters has a great cameo here as well.

And the romp never stops. Everybody in the cast is top notch. The number, “You’re Timeless to Me” sung by Christopher Walken and John Travolta is outstanding. And like I said I was skeptical about Travolta in a fat suit (did he really need one? Ha!), but I do buy him as Edna. The big number “Welcome to the 60’s” is – sung by he and Blonsky -  sweet and engaging. And he can dance his ass off as a fat woman!

Queen Latifah rocks the shiznit with “Big, Blonde and Beautiful” as well. James Marsden, Michelle Pfeiffer and Zac Efron are all really good, too. If you have little girls like I do, then they will be screaming over Zac Effron, better known from his High School Musical movies. If you don’t have kids, don’t even ask what High School Musical is.

So all in all, I don’t think you’ll have a better time at the movies. Nikki Blonsky should get lots of roles and, hopefully, a few nominations out of this. And damn, Amanda Bynes is tall and hot! And the final number, “You Can’t Stop the Beat” is infectious…aw hell it kicks the door in and brings down the house!

One complaint – two of my favorite songs from the show that I couldn’t wait to see on film – “Mama I’m a Big Girl Now” and “The Big Dollhouse” – were omitted. What the hell, producers!?! Oh I just answered my own question…producers!

Ha.

Pardon me now, while I go watch something manly, with lots of scantily clad girls in it.

FIVE BALL POINT PENS

Hello, My name is Bruce and I'm here to kick your ass.

John McClane is a timex living in a digital world. Not my words. That would be courtesy of Timothy Olyphant as cyber villain Thomas Gabriel.

It has been 12 years since Bruce Willis brought John McClane to the screen in Die Hard with a Vengeance. He said it would be the last time out. Just like Sly said he was done with Rocky (well I loved Rocky 6 last year) and Rambo (which comes out next year). I was not one of the people that hated (and there were many) Die Hard with a Vengeance. I thought it was okay. Basically it suffered from the curse of second sequelitis. But it was not Batman and Robin or Alien Resurrection. And it did have Sam Jackson and Jeremy Irons chewing up the scenery. And hell there was that hot blonde kicking ass as well.

When I heard LFDH was being made, I had about the same level of excitement that hit me when Sly said he was making Rocky Balboa. There I was pleasantly surprised and moved. Here I wasn't too sure what I was getting into.

See Bruce Willis has done so much since Vengeance. I has done so many character pieces (The Astronaut Farmer) and stood out in so many others (Sin City, Grindhouse, Unbreakable and Sixth Sense). I even liked him voicing last year's Over the Hedge. But, truth be told, dude needs a hit with his name above the marquee. Not another 16 Blocks (which I did like) or  that piece of shit, Perfect Stranger (with Hit and Run Halle).

The reason John McClane works as a character is because he is truly the everyman. He's not superman. He's a regular guy caught in the wrong place. He's not like his knock off character Jack Bauer who willingly goes out and saves the world. John is the reluctant hero...and ultimately in the original Die Hard (voted Entertainment Weekly's best action film of all time) and even Die Harder, he's a family man out protecting his fam.

In the first two movies it was his wife Holly, played by Bonnie Bedelia. I think that's what was missing from Vengeance. John had nothing personal at stake. And now we have his daughter, Lucy played by Mary Elizabeth Winstead.

Plus I want Bruce to win. I met him two years ago at an LA hotel. He  was with Brooke Burke. I was hanging with friends ( of course lots of chicks) And he called me a handsome devil. And a lucky one to be surrounded by these lovely women. Thank you Bruce.

So you see I wanted him to kick it with LFDH.

Does he?

Yippee Kay Yay Mother Fucker!

LFDH is by no means perfect. The plot involving cyber-terrorists, felt spun off from 24. And at first, I wasn't feeling Justin Long (the Mac Guy) as McClane's side kick, computer hacker Matt Farrell. But he did grow on me. There were times I would look at Bruce/John on the screen and see McClane from the first Die Hard. Then there were other times, it felt like Bruce lost his footing... Timothy Olyphant is no Hans Grueber (Alan Richter).  And where is the limo driver Argyle when you need him?

But at the end of the day, I judge a Die Hard film by the amount of times I say, "oh fuck and oh shit." Director Len Wiseman (the Underworld movies) delivers. I say, "Oh fuck and oh shit" more than enough times to recommend this film. LFDH is an good old fashioned ass kicking film. Something we don't get anymore. Just as in last week's 1408, it's kind of a throwback. And in this case it's a welcome throwback. The elevator sequence involving McClane and hot baddie, Mai Lin, played by Maggie Q, is top notch. So is the final set piece involving a semi-rig, a highway and a F-35.

And finally, Die Hard comes down to Bruce Willis. He may be my favorite all around actor right now. He does for me what Roy Scheider did in the 70s and 80s ( I just was watching Blue Thunder at the gym). Bruce can deliver a punch just as well as he can show sadness that he is divorced from Holly and he is estranged from his daughter, Lucy,

So I would say, give Bruce a hit. Go see it and have some fun. LFDH deserves it.

Yippee Kay Yay Mother Fucker!

THREE AND A HALF BALL POINT PENS