Okay, so now I've done the triple crown of movie going this weekend. I'll just come right out and say it...I've never been a gigantic fan of the Pirates movies. They are okay. The special fx are outstanding. But something has always been missing for me.
The three movies represent the pure definition of what the critics call a "summer movie-" forgettable popcorn fluff.
I don't necessarily believe that a summer blockbuster should be forgettable (see Batman Begins, Superman Returns, Spider-man 2 etc).
But that is what Pirates really is.
The third in (I can't believe this was a trilogy) and probably not last in the series, At World's End reunites everyone's favorite pirates, Jack Sparrow, Elizabeth Swann, William Turner, Captain Barbosa and the dead but very much alive monkey. Oh, and a bunch of pirates, I just don't know their names.
There's really not much to say about Pirates. The special effects are ridiculously good. There are enough double-and triple-crosses that you need a scorecard. And it's pretty dark if you plan on taking young kids.
I will take a quick stab at the plot. Lord Beckett, played by Tom Hollander, controls Davy Jones (still in awe that this is a completely CGI character) heart - thus giving him power over the ghostly Flying Dutchman. Captain Barbosa (Geoffrey Rush) joined by Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightly) and Will Turner (Orlando "I only do costume movies" Bloom) sail (literally) off the edge of the Earth to rescue Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp).
Turns out they need him because he is a Pirate Lord. And why do they need the pirate lord? Well there are nine and only the nine together can raise the sea goddess Calypso. Who although powerful, seems to be made of crabs. When she's released from her human form and becomes crabs, I so wanted to blurt out in the theater, "Hey she just gave the crew of the Black Pearl crabs!"
And why do they want to release such a monster? Beckett has it in for the pirates. But of course she double-crosses them, leaving them to find their own inner strength.
I think.
Not only are there so many twists and turns with Pirates, but the line delivery is frackkin hard to understand. Quite frankly, everyone sounds like they are drunk. I think I understood half of the movie. Did anyone else have that problem.
All in all Pirates is a good way to blow off 3 hours. It could've been shorter. And Keira Knightly is pretty darn hot. Sooooo....
THREE BALL POINT PENS